Out of Place

The first 9 chapters of 1 Chronicles were critical for the ancient Jews to help find their place in the revenant kingdom of Israel after its long exile in the kingdom of Babylon.

The Isrealites has lost their way, quite dramatically, and needed a drastic course correction. Once the restoration began I imagine many felt lost or out of place, many may only had known a life of survival just trying make it through each day. Many may have also felt they lacked a higher purpose, perhaps feeling far separated from God, I don’t know I could be speculating.

I have had a difficult time lately. I feel like my goals for the passed ten years have been flipped upside down and I am lost. I have long held the dream that I wanted to be a self-employed illustrator, I have felt that God has called me to it and He was leading me… but now reflecting I am starting to beileve I was wrong.

My days have been plagued with anxiety, depression, discontentment, frustration and obsession over my art. I have discovered the amount of time I would need to sacrifice away from my wife and kids if I really want to successfully launch it an art career. More time than I am willing to take.

I don’t think it’s my dream anymore and I have been grieving it greatly. Art will always have a part in my life as a passionate hobby but I don’t think it was ever meant to be my focus in a career.

Where I go from here I don’t know. I am a little nervous and scared but at the same time I feel lighter. I can only imagine what God is truly calling me to. Imagine something positive, challemging but that will be coupled with an undeniable confidence, that only God can provide me.

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