2 “you are near in their mouth and far from their heart.”
reminds me of Matthew 15:8 “These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.”
That struck me hard! That’s a struggle of my own. I sometimes don’t feel worthy of the grace I receive, I feel broken sometimes and yet feel guilt at the same time for being unconditionally loved so hard by God.
Speaking about His love for me so young in my Christianity almost seems not allowed or possibly more like “how can anyone take anything that I am saying seriously because I am so pink?!?”. I am a baby at this with a limited life on earth to learn and grow in His image.
All I can do is my best, but sometimes I lie to myself and therefore I’m lying to God (which brings guilt) as well when I say I can’t help myself, when I darn well know I can. I believe He knows I have it in me to conquer my weaknesses and fears. I’m supossed to give it ALL over and its so much easier to say than to do, rather than to live a life of. I didn’t think it was going to be easier becoming Christian, I wouldn’t want anybody to think that.
A perfect model He is, I feel inferior. Sometimes not feeling even worthy enough to have the privilege to read His Word. I believe the Bible is a Holy Book and should be treated as such. I could go into detail about how books, physical man-made objects are treated and taken care of in orthodox judaism. Rules about not bringing the books into bathrooms for godly respect reasons and how torn pages are always kept in a sacred place together and never thrown away…. and the rules about physically constructing a torah are almost endless… but my point is that these are man made things and man made rules. But the Bible is Gods word and is the only truth! It is strong enough to get me out of ruts and ground me and wake me up so to speak, shake the sin out of me and stand my feet back on solid ground… or on the rock as i’ve heard in many Christian rock tunes.
Point being I hope He really knows I love Him, I pray He does that I love Him back and I’m dealing with life how I’ve always known to, some would judge and some would sympathize, but to me I only care what God thinks… I know He may disapprove of some of my thoughts, and maybe wouldn’t raise my son the same way I am.. He MUST know my heart belongs to Him at the start and end of every day. I listen… I haven’t been hearing much lately. maybe I need to pray differently for guidance.
Not to proud to admit that I’ve been having “seniors-moments” at 48…. maybe all those concerts (and chemicals) in my twenties aged me…
Walking into rooms and forgetting why I walked in, Opening cupboards and instantly forget what I’m looking for… I pray that I am not losing it. I feel like I got it together, I sure wouldn’t like a momentary lapse of reason during an important decision, not like reaching for sugar in the cupboard but perhaps something while I’m driving or operating something at work… I could possibly get my hand stuck in the laminator while having one of those moments … Lord help me to focus amidst all this chaos, uncertainty about work, school and med appointment schedules. Help Me keep it on the level when I’m driving around people that haven’t driven for the past three months (and it shows). Lord Help us all. Amen