Creativity and excellence has become an idol for me.
God has toppled it many times. I struggle keeping a balance between the comfort and love from God and my other loved ones and progressing my dream of working a career I truly enjoy.
My identity gets mixed up in what I do for a living and I feel the push to work harder to improve my work life.
I have the mantra in my head “just one more thing and I will rest and focus on God and my family.” It’s shameful for me to think how many times I listened to that voice over the pleas of my kids and wife for my attention.
It’s tough because God has put a creative and strong drive in me to make, build, organize and plan, and I love doing all of these things but balancing them and the rest of life is difficult.
Keeping up with the idol of my creativity is exhausing. Lately the only time I feel joyful and uplifted is when I complete an evening full of tasks on my never ending to do list.
The nights I can’t work due to family connection I feel like I wasted time.
I pray that my ambition always be centered on Christ. May my passions never be put on the throne of my life nor make me cast aside the things in my life that are most precious.