Trying Times

I have had a heavy heart the past couple days. I connect greatly with Moses in Exodus 18 and the trials and struggles of being a leader. The strain of taking on the problems of others is exhausing.

This blog has stood to be an open journal into my emotional state, despite my own anxieties and reservations. Today I will elaborate: fear has been a struggle for me lately.

Over the years I have come to find it has come from a lack of self confidence. I was not affirmed growing up. Affirmed that I have a strong voice and that I am not weak in the face of others who want to use my kindness. My wife now picks up the pieces as best as she can in this insecurity.

I have been filling in as warehouse manager at my job and it feels like things are falling apart on the inside. Workers are passively quarreling amongst eachother and angrily throwing their opinions of eachother’s flaws at me. Couple that with the growing fears of COVID-19 outbreak and it is a very trying time at work.

I am having am extremely difficult time discerning how to act and I feel like I am failing everyday. I get angry some times, other times I am dismissive, I don’t know whether to stand my ground, be firm or get higher management involved. Will all of this prove I am not cut out to lead?

Outside of my work my family is isolated to our home and all my church communities are closed, and I can feel the weight of this isolation. I am thankful that I at least have this blog as an outlet.

I pray today everyone reading is safe, healthy and is staying strong in hope and love. Despite how I feel right now, I trust God. My emotions tell me otherwise, but I am firm that where I place my trust remains my choice.

2 thoughts on “Trying Times

  1. Colton, you are an overcomer-you’re overcoming your emotions and fears and trusting God.God is growing you and yes, growing pains are real.
    Your employer sees qualities in you that led them to put you in charge
    Most of us feel insecure or have felt insecure at some point in our lives. Even Paul said in 2 Cor.12:10 When I am weak, then I am strong.
    It can also be a problem when people are over-confident or self confident rather than relying on God.
    A couple of things I learned when supervising:
    -If a person comes to you with a complaint about another staff, ask whether they’ve spoken to the staff directly first and make that an expectation.
    -My Dad often spoke of the two “C’s-Constructive Criticism” If a staff has a criticism, they need to offer a solution. Criticism can often be a tearing down/destructive but offering a solution is constructive. That’s what Jethro did.
    -In most cases, you don’t have to make a decision immediately but can take time to pray about it. Then in Faith, make a decision and trust that it was from God.
    -Making mistakes is part of learning. It’s not the end of the world.Those of us lacking in confidence are often perfectionists who can’t bear to make a mistake.
    May God give you wisdom in your work ministry-all our work is our ministry.
    I’m so happy that God has given you a loving, supportive wife. What a gift!


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