I have had a heavy heart the past couple days. I connect greatly with Moses in Exodus 18 and the trials and struggles of being a leader. The strain of taking on the problems of others is exhausing.
This blog has stood to be an open journal into my emotional state, despite my own anxieties and reservations. Today I will elaborate: fear has been a struggle for me lately.
Over the years I have come to find it has come from a lack of self confidence. I was not affirmed growing up. Affirmed that I have a strong voice and that I am not weak in the face of others who want to use my kindness. My wife now picks up the pieces as best as she can in this insecurity.
I have been filling in as warehouse manager at my job and it feels like things are falling apart on the inside. Workers are passively quarreling amongst eachother and angrily throwing their opinions of eachother’s flaws at me. Couple that with the growing fears of COVID-19 outbreak and it is a very trying time at work.
I am having am extremely difficult time discerning how to act and I feel like I am failing everyday. I get angry some times, other times I am dismissive, I don’t know whether to stand my ground, be firm or get higher management involved. Will all of this prove I am not cut out to lead?
Outside of my work my family is isolated to our home and all my church communities are closed, and I can feel the weight of this isolation. I am thankful that I at least have this blog as an outlet.
I pray today everyone reading is safe, healthy and is staying strong in hope and love. Despite how I feel right now, I trust God. My emotions tell me otherwise, but I am firm that where I place my trust remains my choice.