Sin is death, every Christian is told this countless times. Sin is not only deadly but is extremely tempting, it holds a promise to satisfy our desires or and needs. Needs that only God himself was designed to fill. When we sin we follow our hearts on its own terms, turning away from God and relying on a will that is our own entirely.
I have struggled with the sin of lust for some time, as many young men do. Lust is entrenched in culture and almost every facet of the world we live in: Ads, products and entertainment are meant to draw in attention and use lust as their lure.
This struggle has brought an immense amount of shame to my heart in my past and present, as I still fight it daily. I have had victory, by God’s grace, and have stayed away from pornography for nearly five years. Today I found myself reflecting today on the “why?” Why do I find lust so appealing? What is it that I am trying to gain through it? Why do I insist on drinking the poison?
Maybe its my flesh beileving the high of lust will be better than a true connection to God. Perhaps I am searching to fill a deep burried loneliness that was caused by the fall and introduction of sin. Maybe my self worth is still some how tied to what other women think of me. Maybe my flesh craves intimacy without the foundation of a committed relationship. Or maybe it’s a combination of all of these. What I do know is God trusts me amid these trials, I am being shaped (sometimes quite painfully) into an image closer to Christ, closer to the spiritual self God created 29 years ago.